Wow! This is week number
four. The excitement about writing my blog posts is still strong.
Having stated last week
that I will read Dr. John Townsend's "How To Be A Best Friend
Forever", I included it in my list of things to do for the week.
I purposed that I will read
the book for 30 minutes each day.
Come Monday, I started
reading the book. It has been an easy to read book.
As I read, I couldn't
help but underline portions of the book. I learnt that friendships are critical. Friendships should be about: people we go to with our deepest dreams, needs and questions, and who are lifelines to us; people who bring us life. Longing for friends, real friends was stirred up in me.
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"Research keeps pointing to the conclusion that
all aspects of our lives are deeply affected by the presence or absence of
friendships."
I do not have many
friends. I am beginning to understand why. Even though I am always looking for
more good relationships, I do not know the path to accomplish that.
Dr. Townsend suggests
that a friendship must have three elements:
1. Knowing. This is
having objective information and personal experience with the person
you are considering for friendship. Knowing provides a foundation of whether or
not the relationship will be a friendship and how deep it can go.
2. Liking. This is wanting
to spend time with each other. You want them to know about your life and you
want to know about their life.
3. Presence. There is
mutual commitment to be with each other, and you gladly pay the price for its
benefits. Friends spend time together. That''s how knowing and liking happens.
I pondered on these
words. I reflected on my experiences of friendship.
In some situations, I
considered people my friends without having objective information and
personal experience with them. As I found out more about them, I was disappointed
and hurt.
In some other
situations, I met people that my knowledge of them made me want to strike up a
deep friendship with them. However, I allowed perceived obstacles to prevent me
from spending time with them to build the relationships. The potential for
friendship was not realized.
After a number of such
experiences, I decide not to venture into friendships again.
What has your experience
been? Have you found and nurtured friendship opportunities? Have you been
disappointed by 'friends" who, if you'd taken time to know some more about
them, should never have been called friends? Have you met people who could have become good friends but did not realize the potential of such opportunities? Have you given up on finding good friends?
As I read the book,
"How To Be A Best Friend Forever", I am inspired again to look for
friendship opportunities. I encourage you to do the same.
A week ago, I had
memories of friendships that did not work. I was unwilling to repeat such poor experiences. Now, a book has opened the door for
me into a new experience of friendships.
That's what books do. They open doors into worlds you didn't know about.
I have friends I made in secondary school. Some are still friends. Some have become sistafriends.
ReplyDeleteI have friends I made in university. Funny, not close to most of them anymore. Maybe about two or three. We are still friends but no serious bonds barring the fact that we went to the same Uni.
Now, I have some friends that have become sistas and guess where I met them? On FB! Many of them, I had come to love and respect even before I ever laid eyes on them. Our bond grew over years of posting and commenting on blog! Lol! True one or two or three have dropped along the way but that's fine...some friends are not forever, they are for seasons so I am good at moving on no issues. It's funny but these friends I made online whom I have now all met and my friends from secondary school (plus my sistacolleagues from work) are now part of what I call my People Pillar.
The common thread that connects all of them, as I begin to look at them one by one, is that there is no pressure to our friendship. At least I don't feel any. I don't do well with people who 'require' or demand proof of my loyalty as a friend. That I don't call you every day does not diminish my love and concern for you. And that you don't visit me does not diminish in my mind the truth that IF I REALLY need you, I know you will come running.....Also, these my friends are about helping one another.....building the other up....Sistasupport. This is what I cherish the most.
Women who know who they are and know that helping another woman is actually the path to their own success.....OK, I shall stop before I begin to go 'off point' . Lol!
Salt, I appreciate your comments. "Our bond grew over years of posting and commenting on blog!" - Now that's Knowing and Liking happening over the years. Presence too.
DeleteHave you read any book(s) which have impacted your experience of friendships?
Friendships! A friend is one I do not require much effort to please.distance is never a barrier. I have maintained contact with some secondary school friends, but you find that over time, your interests and attentions become diversified and they can't be that close anymore. A few university friends linger and you have more opportunity of meeting once in a while. My closest friend remains my university friend. With her I am natural and there is mutual appreciation of the friend ship. Practicality requires more friendships with colleagues at work. Care is also required to ensure you do not fall into false friendship because again of varied interests. I pray before I get into friendships and like I noted in an earlier post, I have few friends; very few.
ReplyDeleteGood friends make life worth living
ReplyDelete