Keeping My Promise....

It's two weeks and one day since my last blog entry. I had reasons to postpone writing an entry but I remembered the commitment I have made to you all, my friends. When I restarted my blog in April, I committed to writing one blog post every week. So here I am, keeping my promise to you.

In the last fortnight, I paused reading Dr. John Townsend's "How to Be a Best Friend Forever". 

What happened? I hear you ask. 

First, I went on a business visit to my bookstore, Hidden Treasures Bookstore in Enugu. Because I had not visited for some time there was quite a lot to do. To accommodate all that I had to do, I assigned low priority to reading my book. Since I didn't do any reading that week, I felt I didn't have anything to share with you, my friends.

Sometime during my stay in the bookstore, my eyes rested on a book "When I Lay My Isaac Down" by Carol Kent. As I moved about in the bookstore, I was intrigued by the subtitle of the book, "Unshakeable Faith in Unthinkable Circumstances".  At some point,my curiosity got the better of me and I picked up the book from the shelf where it was and looked through it.

The book outlined transformational principles that Gene and Carol Kent learnt  in the process of facing the news that forever changed their lives. Their twenty-five year-old son, a graduate of the U. S. Naval Academy with an impeccable record shot and killed his wife's ex-husband. Long recognised for his exemplary character, their son, now walks a path no one could have predicted - and his family lives in the aftermath of a devastation most cannot imagine.

To say that I was shocked as I read the book is putting it mildly. I wondered again and again, what would I do if I found myself such an unthinkable circumstance? At first, my reaction was "God forbid!!!" as we would say in local parlance. Then I recalled a number of people around me who had in recent times found themselves in unthinkable circumstances. I decided to read the book not just for reading sake, but to walk with the author, Carol Kent, and learn with her, the transformational principles she wrote about in the book.

A week ago, I copied this from the book,

 " All of us have circumstances that produce varying degrees of personal loss and devastation. Will we maintain our grip on hope in the process of defeat? Will we live our lives with passion and purpose even, if in this lifetime, we are not permitted to have an answer as to why something has happened? Will we choose unshakeable faith, or will we give up on God? I believe God's great invitation is to engage us in the process of discovering the power of choosing faith when that decision makes no sense.There is hidden power in our unthinkable circumstances."

In less than twenty-four hours after I copied this quote into my journal, I received news of an unthinkable circumstance that shook me and made me to ask God "Why? How did You allow this?" As I struggled with my thoughts and emotions on receiving this news, I recalled the quote copied into my journal. I recalled the story of the Kents as they walked with God in their unthinkable circumstance. I realized that I was being presented with an opportunity to choose faith when the decision made no sense.

I found that reading a book had become the means by which I received advance preparation to cope with my unthinkable circumstance. And so I have gone back to the book, "When I Lay My Isaac Down" for now.

Have I given up on my earlier book, "How to Be a Best Friend Forever"? No. I have only paused for a while. I will return to it shortly.

And now it's your turn. What book are you reading? And what are you learning from it?

A Pause Along the Way...

Another week has rolled away into history. 

This week, I did not do much reading. 

Every one who makes an effort to read books experiences this. For some, they have many activities in their schedule that crowd out the time they have allotted for books. For others, it may be that the activities they have been involved in tired them out. And for some others there may just be no desire to pick up a book to read.

The difference between the habitual and non-habitual reader is this. The habitual reader understands that this is just a passing phase. Here is where having a commitment to follow a reading schedule pays off. By a reading schedule, I mean, a commitment to read a certain number of chapters a day, or to read for a some set time, (fifteen, thirty minutes, sometimes one hour). As their hectic schedule eases off, they return to their commitment.

The non-habitual reader, on the other hand, reads, when they have time, or when they feel like it. Once the pressure of a hectic schedule or a calendar full of activities hits them, their reading plan goes into a spin. Recovering from that spin is an uphill task, because there is no prior commitment or plan for the recovery phase. Frequently, it's at this point that the non-habitual reader gives up on reading.

A new week is dawning. I'll be on a road trip for most of tomorrow, Sunday. I plan to catch up on my reading of Dr. John Townsend's "How to Be A Best Friend Forever" while on that trip. Already,from the book, I have learned that to deepen the attachment of the relationships I have with my friends, it's important to act in ways that foster trust and openness to each other.

The decision to let you, my friends know how I am doing has been a great help. Choosing to be accountable to you, makes me to keep my decision to read this book in focus. That's another important factor that habitual readers understand.

I invite you to join me in this journey of learning from books.  Tell me, what book are you currently reading? And what was your experience with that exercise this past week?

A New Beginning in Friendships

Wow! This is week number four. The excitement about writing my blog posts is still strong.

Having stated last week that I will read Dr. John Townsend's "How To Be A Best Friend Forever", I included it in my list of things to do for the week. I purposed that I will read the book for 30 minutes each day. 

Come Monday, I started reading the book. It has been an easy to read book.

As I read, I couldn't help but underline portions of the book. I learnt that friendships are critical. Friendships should be about: people we go to with our deepest dreams, needs and questions, and who are lifelines to us; people who bring us life. Longing for friends, real friends was stirred up in me.

  

"Research keeps pointing to the conclusion that all aspects of our lives are deeply affected by the presence or absence of friendships."

I do not have many friends. I am beginning to understand why. Even though I am always looking for more good relationships, I do not know the path to accomplish that. 

Dr. Townsend suggests that a friendship must have three elements:

1. Knowing. This is having objective information and personal experience with the person you are considering for friendship. Knowing provides a foundation of whether or not the relationship will be a friendship and how deep it can go.

2. Liking. This is wanting to spend time with each other. You want them to know about your life and you want to know about their life.

3. Presence. There is mutual commitment to be with each other, and you gladly pay the price for its benefits. Friends spend time together. That''s how knowing and liking happens.

I pondered on these words. I reflected on my experiences of friendship.

In some situations, I considered people my friends without having objective information and personal experience with them. As I found out more about them, I was disappointed and hurt. 

In some other situations, I met people that my knowledge of them made me want to strike up a deep friendship with them. However, I allowed perceived obstacles to prevent me from spending time with them to build the relationships. The potential for friendship was not realized.

After a number of such experiences, I decide not to venture into friendships again.

What has your experience been? Have you found and nurtured friendship opportunities? Have you been disappointed by 'friends" who, if you'd taken time to know some more about them, should never have been called friends? Have you met people who could have become good friends but did not realize the potential of such opportunities? Have you given up on finding good friends?

As I read the book, "How To Be A Best Friend Forever", I am inspired again to look for friendship opportunities. I encourage you to do the same.

A week ago, I had memories of friendships that did not work. I was unwilling to repeat such poor experiences. Now, a book has opened the door for me into a new experience of friendships. 

That's what books do.  They open doors into worlds you didn't know about.