Learning From The Bookseller of Kabul

Travel and books are means of educating the mind.

Waiting for a three hour flight from Dubai to New Delhi, I browsed the shelves of a bookstore in the airport. I was intrigued by a book with the title, "The Bookseller of Kabul" by Asne Seierstad. I am a bookseller and thought it would be good to read the experiences of another bookseller living in  a country that shares some of the challenges of my own dear country.

Source:Goodreads

Yes, the book was about a bookseller, but there was more. I have paid but fleeting attention to the news about Afghanistan over the years. There was enough trouble in my own community to worry about.

As I turned the pages of this book, I got a close glimpse of one Afghani family. I learnt some of their culture. I saw the Taliban issues through the eyes of ordinary people who lived through it all.

Reading about Sultan Khan the bookseller, who is the subject of the book, rekindled the passion I have for selling books and for passing on the love of books to others around me. He saw books as a means of storing and passing on the on the history, the arts and culture of a people. He refused to allow the many travails of his nation to kill his passion.

As I read, I thought of the present travails of the book trade back home in Nigeria. Nothing that we experience is close to what the Bookseller of Kabul passed through. His books were set ablaze in a bonfire multiple times.He was imprisoned for operating a bookstore and for selling books that made people think. i concluded that the challenges I currently face as bookseller are not enough to make me give up. i will persevere in the business just like he did.

Amazing, isn't it? That a book about a man I'd never met and probably won't ever meet, and a country that I knew next to nothing about will have such a significant impact on me.

That's what books do.

Which books have you read that had significant impact on you?

Books - A Peep Into The Lives of Others...

A few weeks ago, I was browsing and saw a book advertised. Zachary's Choice: Surviving My Child's Suicide by Suzy LaBonte. I was repelled by the title and in the same breath attracted by it. Numerous questions ran through my mind. Why would a young person commit suicide? What were the circumstances? Why was the child's mum writing about it? What was it like for her? How was she coping with it?

Source:Christianbook.com

I searched for and located the book in my favourite ebook store,  and added it to my wish list. Every now and again I looked at the book. I read the reviews from others who had read the book. Eventually my curiosity got the better of me. I just had to find out what the story was in this book. I clicked on the "Buy Now" button and the book was in my library. 

I turned the page and started to read. Indeed, Suzy's teenage son, Zachary had committed suicide. As I read the first chapter, I felt like I had been kicked repeatedly in the stomach. I shared Suzy's distress as she discovered that her son had not only died but had killed himself. In the following chapters, I sat with Suzy as she recounted how she walked through those dark days of coming to terms with her son's death.

She wrote, " Suicide now lives in my house as surely as my son did not. It was a scandalous dirty word to me, an unclean taboo, full of fearful stigma, a social leprosy of repulsion and terror. In my naive mind, suicide has always been a dishonourable method of death associated with those who were in trouble or who had no one to love them and nowhere to turn.Suicide wasn't a word to be associated with a treasured child, loved by his siblings, adored by his parents and treasured by his relatives.It wasn't a word to be linked with a kind talented child who who had tremendous gifts to offer the world.Yet that ghastly word was in my daily vocabulary and had already rolled off my tongue far too many times. Shame on me for my smug and arrogant assumptions. Shame on me for my ignorant and misinformed criticism."

I realised that she wasn't alone in those assumptions and criticism. I was right there with her. Was that not why I was repelled at first by the title of the book? 

I thank Suzy for giving me a peep into her life by writing the book and sharing her experiences. I am now wiser and will deal more sensitively with others who hurt around me. I don't always know the details of their circumstances. 

I also am glad that I read the book, Zachary's Choice. I would never have dared to write or talk publicly about suicide had I not read the book. According to Suzy, suicide is a tough subject and not fun to talk about.However, bringing up this tough subject in conversation with another can open the door to a frank discussion. When suicide and other tough subjects are discussed, taboos are lifted and the powerful chains of silence and isolation are broken. By so doing, maybe, one person would rethink their desperate intention and a life would be saved. Maybe warning signs could be identified and safety measures and counselling could be put into practice.

Just maybe...

Why I Love Reading Books About Other Peoples' Experiences...

Autobiographies and biographies, that's what books about the life experiences of people are called. One such book is "Long Walk to Freedom" by Nelson Mandela, the first black president of South Africa. Another is "Gifted Hands" by Ben Carson, the first surgeon to successfully separate conjoined twins at the head.

Source: First Grade Blue Skies

I love reading books about peoples' experiences. There is nothing that happens to me that is not common to man. Someone somewhere has walked that path before me. Through the pages of these books I walk with and share their experiences. I learn from them how to handle different life situations. I discover ideas and approaches which I can use in my own life. 

(Auto)biographies allow me to see the world in new ways. As I read about someone from a different era, a different background, even a totally different set of experiences, I gain a new perspective about my own life situation.

When I read books about other peoples' life experiences, I get a glimpse into their minds and now have the advantage of knowing them. As I think about what they might do in the situation I am facing, they become my mentors from a distance.

I recently had the privilege to read "Miracle on the Hudson' by Chigozie Udemezue, founder of Healing Hearts Widows Support Foundation. Chigozie who is my friend, wrote about her experiences after her husband died. Her exuberantly healthy husband was snatched by death and while she was still reeling from that painful loss, she had a baby who the medics said would survive only by a miracle.Her baby survived, demonstrating God's mercy and astounding the medics who declared that they had indeed seen a miracle happen before their very eyes. 

Life handed her a lemon and a very bitter one at that, but she chose to make lemonade out of it and then serve it as a refreshing drink for others. She wrote about her experiences to encourage others along life's way.

Source: Gozie Udemezue

Since reading the book, whenever I encounter what I consider a tough situation, I find myself thinking, "What would Chigozie do if she were in my shoes?" I have gained a new perspective on how to respond to life challenges.

Choosing to read (auto)biographies is a great way to expand your horizons, find new mentors and learn vicariously from others.

  

Now it's your turn. What (auto)biographies have you read and what impact have they made on you? If you haven't read any, I encourage you start, perhaps with "Miracle on the Hudson". You'd be glad you did.

A New Beginning in Friendships

Wow! This is week number four. The excitement about writing my blog posts is still strong.

Having stated last week that I will read Dr. John Townsend's "How To Be A Best Friend Forever", I included it in my list of things to do for the week. I purposed that I will read the book for 30 minutes each day. 

Come Monday, I started reading the book. It has been an easy to read book.

As I read, I couldn't help but underline portions of the book. I learnt that friendships are critical. Friendships should be about: people we go to with our deepest dreams, needs and questions, and who are lifelines to us; people who bring us life. Longing for friends, real friends was stirred up in me.

  

"Research keeps pointing to the conclusion that all aspects of our lives are deeply affected by the presence or absence of friendships."

I do not have many friends. I am beginning to understand why. Even though I am always looking for more good relationships, I do not know the path to accomplish that. 

Dr. Townsend suggests that a friendship must have three elements:

1. Knowing. This is having objective information and personal experience with the person you are considering for friendship. Knowing provides a foundation of whether or not the relationship will be a friendship and how deep it can go.

2. Liking. This is wanting to spend time with each other. You want them to know about your life and you want to know about their life.

3. Presence. There is mutual commitment to be with each other, and you gladly pay the price for its benefits. Friends spend time together. That''s how knowing and liking happens.

I pondered on these words. I reflected on my experiences of friendship.

In some situations, I considered people my friends without having objective information and personal experience with them. As I found out more about them, I was disappointed and hurt. 

In some other situations, I met people that my knowledge of them made me want to strike up a deep friendship with them. However, I allowed perceived obstacles to prevent me from spending time with them to build the relationships. The potential for friendship was not realized.

After a number of such experiences, I decide not to venture into friendships again.

What has your experience been? Have you found and nurtured friendship opportunities? Have you been disappointed by 'friends" who, if you'd taken time to know some more about them, should never have been called friends? Have you met people who could have become good friends but did not realize the potential of such opportunities? Have you given up on finding good friends?

As I read the book, "How To Be A Best Friend Forever", I am inspired again to look for friendship opportunities. I encourage you to do the same.

A week ago, I had memories of friendships that did not work. I was unwilling to repeat such poor experiences. Now, a book has opened the door for me into a new experience of friendships. 

That's what books do.  They open doors into worlds you didn't know about.

Reading Books...Creating Memories

Some years back, I had just graduated from the University. The next thing on the agenda was to have a young man ask for my hand in marriage.

Leventis Store on Marina was still in its hey days. They had some great books in their book section. I bought quite a few titles from there. I cannot for the life of me remember these titles. One or two of them were about marriage.....

I read the books as though my life depended on it. As I look back now, I wasn't deliberately reading to prepare for married life. I just enjoyed reading books. I recall this story from one of the books.

"Tunde and Tolu (I don't remember the names now) were newly married. As they finished eating dinner one evening, they had some left over meat. Tolu remarked that her mum would have cooked some beans with the left over meat. Tunde, with a smile, said, "That's what my mum would do too!" They agreed that, the following evening, they'll have for their dinner, beans made with the left over meat.

The next day, all day at work, Tunde imagined his wife cooking beans just like his mum would do. Tolu, on the other hand cleaned the house and in the evening, lovingly prepared beans, just the way her mum would have done, She set the table, with a song on her lips, delighted that she had a pleasant evening with her husband to look forward to.

She heard Tunde arrive and went to the door to welcome him. Tunde, on arrival, was a bit perplexed as he walked in to their apartment. He couldn't perceive the aroma he had looked forward to all day long. He saw the table set and asked Tolu, "Didn't you say we'll have beans for dinner tonight?" "Of course, yes" she replied, opening the dish with flourish.  Becoming irritable, Tunde looked into the dish and snapped, "This isn't beans!" Close to tears, Tolu replied, "What do you mean? This is beans!"

They exchanged a few more sentences and then paused and sat down, not wanting to quarrel. As they asked each other questions and listened carefully to one another, they learnt that though they had used the same words, they meant entirely different things. What Tunde's family referred to as beans was completely different from what Tolu's family referred to as beans."

I tucked this story away in some corner of my mind.

Fast forward some years later, I got married to my fantastic husband. Ever so frequently I found myself recalling Tunde and Tolu's story from that corner of my mind. It saved us some massive misunderstanding when we used words which we thought we both understood, only to the discover that the words meant different things to my husband and I!

That's the power that books have in building lives. I don't remember the title of the book or the name of the author. Yet, the lesson I learnt from it is still so fresh in my mind as though, I read the book just yesterday.

Many times ,when you're reading a book, you don't deliberately set out to learn something. However, some of what you read, stays with you, tucked away in some corner of your mind. Ready to be recalled and put to use when the need arises.

So will you pick up a book today, and start reading, just for the fun of it?